The problem with pessimists is that they're right too much.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Virtue is one thing that doesn't seem to become worth more when less is in circulation.
Success is 1% inspiration, 9% Perspiration, and 90% people's response to your 10%
Looks might not matter in the long run, but without them, you won't take a single step.
The only minority that aren't oppressed are the rich.
Dope is much more readily available than hope.
The shortest distance between two truths is a lie.
Your brain is like a vacuum cleaner. It sucks when you have to use it.
The only things I want to give you are orders.
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
Life is like a package from the Unabomber... ya never know what your gonna get
Death is never prevented... just postponed
"When you see a light at the end of the tunnel, make sure it does not get any brighter. It could just be the headlight of an oncoming train."
Reality Bites... and doesn't let go.
Failure is not an option. It is a privilege reserved only for those who try.
It doesn't matter if the cup is half full or half empty.
Whatever's inside it is evaporating either way
As they say... there are other piranhas in the fish tank.
Yes, females do pursue me (If you count mosquitos).
In life's wallet, there's no compartment for change.
There is no need to lie your way through life, just keep the truth at a safe distance.
The early cat gets the bird if the early dog hasn't already eaten it.
Money makes the world go around.
That thought got ran over as it was crossing my mind.
If you take life too seriously you won't get to laugh along with everybody else when you fail.
Thinking about the past is a great excuse to waste the present and forget about the future.
You don't have to conform to the values of your peers. It gets pretty boring sitting home every night though.
I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right.
The problem with people who worship themselves is when they get together their religions conflict.
You know you're a loser when you try to sell your soul to the devil and he asks you for your credit card number.
The nice thing about having nothing is you don't have to worry about losing it.
I'm a babe magnet... just the wrong end.
In life's rat race, it's not how fast you can run but how good you deal with the cats that matters.
While some people need friends, most people just need someone they can be better than.
I do have a moral compass, it's just that I run across a lot of iron ore.
If you be yourself you will find that you will be by yourself too.
If you stand up for what's right on Tuesday afternoon, you will be left sitting home on Friday night.
Trying to change the system from within is like trying to change a lightbulb that just went out in a pitch-black room without leaving it.
You have power and the ability to bring it about through change. Just stick a dime in a light socket.
Pride's like summer, it's a lot of fun and it usually comes before a fall.
Leaving a message on an answering machine gets as much results as sticking the phone in the toilet and flushing it.
Ignorance has brought me much more happiness than knowledge.
There are no forks in the road, just knives you're threatened by when you try to take the non-conforming path.
If we tolerated people's failures like we tolerate technology's, you could show up late to work everyday and do half of what your boss asked.
This is apex of pessimistic quotes; not even I can be this pessimistic.
Meditations for Miserable People (Who want to stay that way)
From Dan Goodman's book of the same title:
Hope is like the sun, which, as I journey toward it, is bound to give me cancer.
I am not an unattractive person. I am downright hideous.
If I fall off the wagon no one will know because I have no friends.
Knowing and understanding myself helps me realize just how worthless I really am.
I deserve true love--even if it cost me $3.99 a minute.
People may disappoint me but not nearly as much as I disappoint myself.
There is nothing wrong with crying when your life is as pitiful as mine.
Loneliness is a harbor in which I will drown every day of my miserable existence.
I have low self-esteem, but that's only because I am worthless.
Criticize, don't analyze.
The rewards of tolerance on a personal level are misery, abuse and eventual death.
A new day can begin to such at any time...like right now, for instance.
I cannot retrieve my inner child, for it is dead and buried in my backyard.
When you feel unloved, get used to it, because you know it's the truth.
Live in the here and now, for tomorrow is sure to be just as miserable.
The mistakes I make today I will make again tomorrow becasue I am stupid and slow.
If at first you don't succeed, give up.
It is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck? One in a million, perhaps.
